The Past And The Present
by mandaree1
Summary: Ben's thoughts when his fears and false arrogance come to light in 'forge of creation'. DISCLAIMER i own NOTHING!


**Disclaimer: I obviously don't own Ben 10. If I did, I would have had a deeper exploration on the fact that Ben was always treating everything like a joke. I just like doing that type of stuff.**

**Setting: 'forge of creation'**

**Summary: 'Ben's thoughts as his little secret comes out.'**

**Plot: Ben's thoughts when Gwen and Kevin find out that the reason he acted so arrogant was because he was hiding his fear.'**

**Warnings: O.C.C. Ben.**

**…**

**…**

Ben was seriously considering killing his younger self.

He could take flying a ship through a dangerous place, saving the world, and going home in time to eat dinner and try to keep the details out of the newspapers. He did that practically everyday. It was doing while dealing with his younger self that was still trying to get used to the life of a superhero.

Like how he'd taken his anger out at jeering at Gwen.

In all honestly, he'd frankly completely and utterly forgotten that he and Gwen had hated each other in their younger years. He'd forced the bad memories into the back of his minds, much like his years of bullying.

Back when he was younger, he'd done it to take out his self-issue problems. He was two short, too skinny, his hair was ugly, his eyes were strange. No one ever had eyes that were as green as the Tennison family at young ages, and everyone that met him noticed it and pointed it out.

After he'd become one with the Omnitrix, he'd done it keep himself grounded. He had ten new personalities slowly becoming part of his mind, it was hard to remember which was his and block the others out like he could now, and so he'd always make himself remember that arguing with Gwen was a part of _him_, not the others.

So he had no preparation for his younger (and a lot more annoying, in his opinion) self.

"Where do you get off making fun of your friends like that?' he questioned, keeping the pang of guilt that had stabbed him out of the equation. He remembered exactly why, he just didn't want to address it. Maybe if he got some alone time with himself later, he would quietly correct him.

"Hey, I'm ten years old, what's your excuse?" the younger hero jeered, hands raised.

"Everything's not a game." Kevin's voice rang out, and Ben put his hands down and frowned, his eyes flashing with emotions he barely noticed himself. Anger. Quilt. Fear. He was being cornered, and that scared the elder of the two. When he was cornered, the rash Heatblast sometimes took control and made him say things he'd rather keep to himself.

"What we do is important." He continued, wheeling the chair around to face him directly "if you can't see that, maybe you are just a _kid_."

_Disgust. Distrust. Honesty. The want to answer. The want to hide._

He blinked, before finally letting a damn of emotions break free, making his future self cringe "you think I don't know!? When its hero time, if I mess up, someone could die" he brought the hand up that held the Omnitrix up to full view. His curse. His blessing. "From what you've told me, if we mess up this time, everybody could die." he stepped closer, showing that while he worried about the thought of killing someone, he would still take a stand.

"That's right." Gwen's soft voice agreed, obviously not understanding where the young boy was taking his argument.

He looked up to the heavens above, arms out "maybe that's too much to have in your head when you have to win." He balled his open hand into a fist "Maybe if I pretend everything's a big joke, when the time comes, I'll be able to do what I have to do."

_Anger. The want to direct the conversation away. The knowledge he couldn't._

Gwen turned to face him, eyes and voice soft as she tried to make sense of what she was hearing "is that why you're so arrogant all the time? Because you're scared?"

The calm Kevin, the confused and knowledgeable Gwen, the obviously worried and scared younger Ben. He couldn't answer that question, not now. The mission could fall apart at its already fragile emotional seams. It was dangerous as well as something to be left alone, and so Ben turned back to steering so he didn't have to look at their hurt faces.

"No… I'm actually oblivious."

**Sorry if it's cruddy, it's pretty late here and I threw it together in an hour. So it's probably not the best out there. Review and tell me what you think!**


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